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Kids Jokes

What did the tie say to the hat?

What did the tie say to the hat? ๐Ÿ‘” ๐ŸŽฉ

You go on a head and I’ll hang around.

Illness

“Why did Roger leave his job?”
“Illness.”
“Anything serious?”
“Yes. The boss got sick of him.”

Cow and grass

Teacher: I said to draw a cow eating some grass but you’ve only drawn the cow?

Pupil: Yes, the cow ate all the grass!

Human Race

A little girl asked her mother, โ€œHow did the human race come about?โ€

The Mother answered, โ€œGod made Adam and Eve; they had children and, so all mankind was made.โ€

A few days later, the little girl asked her father the same question. The father answered, โ€œMany years ago there were monkeys, and we developed from them.โ€

The confused girl returns to her mother and says, โ€œMom, how is it possible that you told me that the human race was created by God , and Papa says we developed from monkeys?โ€

The Mother answers, โ€œWell, dear, it is very simple. I told you about the origin of my side of the family, and your father told you about his side.โ€

An old snake goes to see his Doctor

โ€œDoc, I need something for my eyesโ€ฆcanโ€™t see well these days.โ€ The Doc fixes him up with a pair of glasses and tells him to return in 2 weeks.

The snake comes back in 2 weeks and tells the doctor heโ€™s very depressed.

Doc says, โ€œWhatโ€™s the problemโ€ฆdidnโ€™t the glasses help you?โ€

โ€œThe glasses are fine doc, I just discovered Iโ€™ve been living with a water hose the past 2 years!โ€

What do you give a 1000-pound gorilla for his...

Q: What do you give a 1000-pound gorilla for his birthday?
A: I donโ€™t know, but youโ€™d better hope he likes it!

What was the average age of a cave man?

Q. What was the average age of a cave man?
A. Stone Age!

Where do you find a birthday present for a ca...

In a cat-alogue!

Three kids come down to the kitchen and sit a...

Three kids come down to the kitchen and sit around the breakfast table. The mother asks the oldest boy what heโ€™d like to eat. โ€œIโ€™ll have some fuckinโ€™ French toast,โ€ he says. The mother is outraged at his language, hits him, and sends him upstairs. She asks the middle child what he wants. โ€œWell, I guess that leaves more fuckinโ€™ French toast for me,โ€ he says. She is livid, smacks him, and sends him away. Finally she asks the youngest son what he wants for breakfast. โ€œI donโ€™t know,โ€ he says meekly, โ€œbut I definitely donโ€™t want the fuckinโ€™ French toast.โ€

PSST…

A kindergarten pupil told his teacher heโ€™d found a cat. She asked if it was dead or alive.

โ€œDead,โ€ she was informed.

โ€œHow do you know?โ€, she asked.

โ€œBecause I pissed in his ear and it didnโ€™t move,โ€ said the child innocently.

โ€œYou did WHAT?!?โ€, the teacher squealed in surprise.

โ€œYou know,โ€ explained the boy, โ€œI leaned over and went โ€˜pssstโ€™ and he didnโ€™t move.โ€

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