Q&A Jokes

Q: What did Wednesday say to Thursday?
A: “Hang on, Friday is almost here!”

Q: If you have a sphere and you shake it, what do you get?
A: Shakespeare.

Q: Guess what?
A: Chicken butt! 😄🐔

Q: How many executives does it take to change a light bulb?
A: A roomful – they have to hold a meeting to discuss all the ramifications of the change.💡💡💡

Q: Why did Wednesday get a promotion?
A: Because it’s in the middle of the “weak” and still works hard! 😄📅

Q: Why don’t Ferraris ever get lost?
A: Because they always take the fast lane in life! 🏎️💨😄

Q. How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb?

A. None. That’s a hardware issue.

Q. Why did the spider cross the computer keyboard?

A. To get on the World Wide Web.

Why did the photo go to jail?

Because it was framed!

Q: Why did the sun go to school?
A: To get a little brighter.

Q: How do you organize a space party?
A: You planet.

Q: Why did the moon skip dinner?
A: It was full.

Q: Why was the math book sad?
A: Because it had too many problems.

Q: Why did the number 7 eat number 9?
A: Because you’re supposed to eat 3 squared meals a day!

Q: Why was the equal sign so humble?
A: Because it knew it wasn’t less than or greater than anyone else.

Q: Why don’t some animals play cards in the wild?
A: Because they are afraid of cheetahs.

Q: What do you call a fish without eyes?
A: Fsh!

Q: Why don’t oysters donate to charity?
A: Because they are shellfish.

Q: a blonde ordered a pizza and the clerk asked if he should cut it in six or twelve pieces.
A: “six, please. I could never eat twelve pieces.”

Q: but why do brunettes take the pill ?
A: wishful thinking.

Q: did you hear about the blond skydiver?
A: she missed the earth!

Q: did you hear about the blond that was treated at the emergency room for a concussion and severe head wounds?
A: she tried to commit suicide by hanging herself with a bungie cord.

Q: did you hear about the blond with a masters degree in psychology?
A: she’ll blow your mind, too.

Q: did you hear about the blonde couple that were found frozen to death in their car at a drive-in movie theater?
A: they went to see “closed for the winter”.

Q: did you hear about the blonde coyote?
A: got stuck in a trap, chewed off three legs and was still stuck.

Q: did you hear about the blonde doctor?
A: she shaved her patients, then took off their clothes.

Q: did you hear about the blonde lesbian?
A: she kept having affairs with men!

Q: did you hear about the blonde that almost caused a wreck?
A: the spare tire in her trunk blew out.

Q: did you hear about the blonde that robbed a bank?
A: she tied up the safe and blew the guard.

Q: did you hear about the blonde who had an appendix operation?
A: well, now she is making money on the side.

Q: did you hear about the blonde who just bought an a.m. Radio?
A: it took her two weeks to figure out that you could play it at night.

Q: did you hear about the blonde who stood in front of a mirror With her eyes closed?
A: she wanted to see what she looked like asleep.

Q: did you hear about the blonde who tried to blow up her Husband’s car?
A: she burned her lips on the tailpipe.

Q: did you hear about the blonde whose boyfriend said he loved her?
A: she believed him.

Q: did you hear about the conceited blonde?
A: she screams her own name when she comes.

Q: did you hear about the new epidemic among blondes?
A: it’s called maids – if the don’t get one, they die.

Q: did you hear about the new form of birth control for blondes?
A: they take off their makeup.

Q: did you hear about the new slogan for miss clairol’s hair dye?
A: buy a double batch and get a snatch to match.

Q: did you here about the blonde who shot an arrow into the air?
A: she missed.

Q: do you know why the blonde got fired from the m&m; factory?
A: for throwing out the w’s.

Q: how can you tell a blonde had a bad day?
A: her tampon is behind her ear and she doesn’t know what she did with her cigarette.

Q: how can you tell if a blonde has a vibrator?
A: by the chipped tooth.

Q: how can you tell if a blonde has been in your refrigerator?
A: by the lipstick on your cucumbers.

Q: how can you tell if a blonde is a good cook?
A: she gets the pop tarts out of the toaster in one piece.

Q: how can you tell if a blonde works in an office?
A: a bed in the stockroom and huge smiles on all the Bosses’ faces.

Q: how can you tell if a blonde writes mysteries?
A: she has a checkbook.

Q: how can you tell when a blonde is dating?
A: by the buckle print on her forehead.

Q: how can you tell when a fax had been sent from a blonde?
A: there is a stamp on it.

Q: how can you tell which blonde is the waitress?
A: she is the one with the tampon behind her ear, wondering What she did with her pencil.

Q: how did the blonde break her leg raking leaves?
A: she fell out of the tree.

Q: how did the blonde burn her nose?
A: bobbing for french fries.

Q: how did the blonde die drinking milk?
A: the cow fell on her.

Q: how did the blonde die ice fishing?
A: she was run over by the zambonis machine.

Q: how did the blonde try to kill the bird?
A: she threw it off a cliff.

Q: how do blonde brain cells die?
A: alone.

Q: how do you brainwash a blonde?
A: give her a douche and shake her upside down.

Q: how do you change a blonde’s mind?
A: blow in her ear, or
buy her another beer.

Q: how do you confuse a blonde?
A: you don’t. They’re born that way.

Q: how do you confuse a blonde?
A: ask her to alphabetize a bag of m&ms.

Q: how do you describe a blonde, surrounded by drooling idiots?
A: flattered.

Q: how do you describe the perfect blonde?
A: 3 feet tall, no teeth, and a flat head to rest your beer on.

Q: how do you drown a blond?
A: put a mirror at the bottom of the pool.
A2: don’t tell her to swallow.
A3: leave a scratch and sniff at the bottom of the pool.

Q: how do you get a blonde off of your knees?
A: come.

Q: how do you get a blonde pregnant?
A: come in her shoes and let the flies do the rest.

Q: how do you get a blonde to marry you?
A: tell her she’s pregnant.

Q: A blonde is walking down the street with a pig under her arm. She passes a person who asks “where did you get that?”
A: The pig says, “i won her in a raffle!”

Q: A blond going to London on a plane, how can you steal her window seat?
A: Tell her the seats that are going to London are all in the middle row.

Q: How can you tell which tricycle belongs to the blonde?
A: A:It is the one with the kickstand.

Q: What flower is in between your nose and your chin?
A: Two lips!

Q: How do you confuse a stupid person?
A: Put them in a round room and tell them to sit in the corner.

Q: How do you brainwash a blonde?
A: Give her a douche and shake her upside down.

Q: What stops then goes then stops then goes?
A: A blonde at a blinking red light.

Q: What do you call 5000 dead lawyers at the bottom of the ocean?
A: A good start!

Q: What’s the difference between a lawyer and a herd of buffalo?

A: The lawyer charges more.

Q: What’s the difference between a rotwieler and a poodle?

A: If a rotwieler starts humping your leg you let it finish.

Q: What do you call a basement full of blondes?

A: A whine cellar.

Q: What do you get when you cross a raven with a mad dog?

A: A ravin lunatic.

Q: How many blondes does it take to play Hide and Seek?
A: One.

Q: Why did the blonde purchase an AM radio?
A: She didn’t want one for nights.

Q: What does a lion call a antelope?

A: Fast food.

Q: How can you tell if a lawyer is well hung?
A: You can’t get a finger between the rope and his neck!

Why can you not teach blondes to waterski?

When they get wet, they roll over on their backs!

Q: Why do blondes always rapidly flap their hands towards theirs ears?

A: They’re refuelling.

Q: Who keeps the ocean clean?
A: The mermaid.

Q: Why did the invisible man turn down a job offer?

A: He just couldn’t see himself doing it.

Q: What is a baby’s favorite reptile?

A: A rattlesnake.

Q: What do you call a snowman in the summer?

A: A puddle.

Q: What does a blonde put behind her ears to make her more attractive?

A: Her ankles.

Q: What does a blond and a beer bottle have in common?

A: They’re both empty from the neck up.

Q: How do you tell when a blonde reaches orgasm?
A1: She drops her nail-file!
A2: Who cares?
A3: She says, “Next”.
A4: The next person in the queue taps you on the shoulder.
A5: He’s had his clothes for about 2 minutes.
A6: I mean, who really cares?
A7: The batteries have run out.

Q: How do you stop a fish from smelling?

A: Cut it’s nose off.

Q: What is the fastest fish in the sea?
A: Go-carp.

Q: What is yellow and dangerous?

A: Pike infested custard.

Q: What did the lightbulb say to the fuse ?

A: That’s a blow!

Q: I’m two months pregnant now. When will my baby move?

A: With any luck, right after he finishes school.

Q: I married Miss Right.

A: I just didn’t know her first name was “Always”.

Q: What’s the difference between your wife and your job?

A: After five years your job still sucks.

Q: What’s grey, yellow, grey, yellow, grey, yellow, grey, yellow, grey, yellow, grey, yellow?

A: An elephant rolling down a hill with a daisy in its mouth!

Q: What do you call a sheep with no legs?

A: A cloud.

Q: What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus?

A: Claustrophobic.

Q: Why is “U” the happiest letter?

A: Because it is in the middle of “fun”.

Q: Why can’t men get mad cow disease?

A: Because they’re pigs.

Q: What do you call a blonde that goes to college?

A: A Visitor!

Q: How many unemployed actors does it take to change a light bulb?

A: One hundred. One to change it, and ninety-nine to stand around and say, “Hey, I could’ve done that!”

Q: What do you do if a blonde throws a pin at you?

A: Run! She’s got a grenade in her mouth!

Q: How many men does it take to open a beer?

A: None. It should be opened when she brings it.

Q: How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?

A: When she starts a sentence with “A man once told me…”

Q: How do you fix a woman’s watch?

A: You don’t. There is a clock on the oven.

Q: Why do men die before their wives?

A: They want to.

Q: What did the dog get when he multiplied 88 x 7?

A: The wrong answer.

Q: Why are blondes like cornflakes?

A: Because they’re simple, easy and they taste good.

Q: Where do snowmen go to dance? ⛄

A: Snowballs. 🎉❄️⚪

Q: What goes black white, black, white, black, white?

A: A Penguin rolling down a hill!

Q: What’s orange and sounds like a parrot?

A: A carrot!

Q: What did the fish say when it swam into a wall?

A: “Dam!”

Q: What do you call a cow with two legs?

A: Lean beef.

Q: What do you call a cow with no legs?

A: Ground beef.

Q: Do you know why flies have wings?

A: So they can beat the hicks to the watermelon.

Q: How can you tell a drummer’s at the door?

A: The knocking speeds up.

Q: Why did the pig go into the kitchen?

A: He felt like bacon.

Q: What do squirrels give for Valentine’s Day?

A: Forget-me-nuts.

Q: What did the valentine card say to the stamp?

A: Stick with me and we’ll go places!

Q: Who sends a thousand valentines cards signed’, guess who’?

A: A divorce lawyer.

Q:Once there was the tooth fairy, Santa Claus, Easter bunny, a smart blonde and a dumb blonde they were walking down the road when they saw a $100 dollars bill who gets it??

A: No one the first four dont exsist and the other blonde thought it was a gumwraper!

Q: What do man and women have when they do work on the bed?

A: A dicktionary and an octopussy.

Q: What is the different between a basketball and a sex?

A: The basketball dribble first then shoot while the sex shoot first then dribble…

Q: How do blonde brain cells die?

A: Alone.

Q: What do a hemophiliac and a virgin have in common?
A: One prick and they’re done.

Q: Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?

A: Because a woman who can’t even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you.

Q: What is Fast Food?

A: A chicken running down the road.

What’s the difference between a girl’s G-spot and a golf ball?

A man will spend hours looking for the golf ball!

Q: What’s brown and sticky?

A: A stick.

Q: Why are pirates called pirates?

A: Because they aaarrreee!

Q: What did one plate say to the other plate?

A: He said, “Lunch is on me!”

Hulk’s fart.