Vampire Jokes

You open a Bloodbucks cafe to serve the vampire community

On Halloween you get mad at people for dressing up in vampire costumes pretending to be someone they are not

On Halloween you sleep waiting for Dracula to come down the chimney to bring you lots of humans

You start a neck-biting range for vampires to practice their aim

You refuse to date anyone named Buffy

Your idea of a scary movie is watching humans kill the last vampire on earth

Your worse nightmare is waking up to a world without humans

You look at blood the way party-goers look at beer

During winter you are careful not to select people who are too cold to avoid frostbite

You consider coming out of the closet as a vampire at a Twilight premier party

Your class looks to you for ideas on how to dress and act like a vampire

You own a bar that requires a blood sample instead of ID to enter

Someone mentions the word ‘vessel’ and you immediately think of ‘blood vessels’

You notice you can outrun a cheetah

You look at people the same way they look at a buffet

Your friends bring humans as gifts to your birthday party

You grew up receiving gifts on Halloween instead of Christmas

Your party friends look to you to be the designated bottle opener

As a kid you knew more about Count Dracula than you did the Count on Sesame Street

Halloween is the only day of the year you feel you can be yourself

You like a good Bloody Mary from concentrate

You are surprised that you can’t make withdrawals at a blood bank

Your parents wanted you to own a blood bank when you grew up

The first thing you think of when you meet people is what blood type they are

You recently joined Bloodaholics Anonymous

The only bank you want to rob is a blood bank

You are surprised that you can’t make withdrawals at a blood bank

Your parents wanted you to own a blood bank when you grew up

The first thing you think of when you meet people is what blood type they are

You recently joined Bloodaholics Anonymous

The only bank you want to rob is a blood bank

You joined the blood scouts as a kid

You order a Bloody Mary and ask if she is fresh

You open up a blood bank for homeless vampires

Your favorite animal is a giraffe

You do more before 6am than anyone else

You have regular blood baths

You join a bat watching club and participate from time to time

You killed the inventor of the turtleneck

You wonder why books about vampires are not taught in history classes

You ravage through the trash nightly at a blood bank

You cringe when somebody around you orders a steak (stake) at a restaurant

Your desire for food is as big as your desire for a tan

You react to garlic the way kids react to veggies

You order a Bloody Mary with an extra twist of Mary

You stare at a women’s neck more than you do her curves

You are bleeching your teeth once a day

You find bloody noises sexy

You brush, floss and sharpen your teeth daily

You buy a coffin with a night light